Mental Health Consultation | Questions To Ask Before Using a Surrogate

Parents choose surrogacy for many different reasons. Some have a genetic defect that they do not wish to pass on to their children, others have a history of repeat miscarriages or are unable to carry a pregnancy to full-term. Gay male couples may also choose a surrogate parent if they prefer to have a genetic link to their children. If you and your partner are considering using a surrogate, you may want to ask these questions before starting the process.

Why did you decide to become a surrogate?

Don’t feel uncomfortable about raising this subject. It’s a great way to get to know your surrogate on a more personal level. Each surrogate has her own personal journey, though many women will say that they have a desire to help a couple start a family or that they empathize with those struggling with infertility.

HOW DO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS FEEL ABOUT YOU BEING A SURROGATE?

It’s important to know that your surrogate has a healthy support network. Many women say that it took certain people a while to adapt to the idea, but in the main, your surrogate should have people around her who she can turn to while she is balancing her role as a surrogate with her daily life routine.

HOW OFTEN WILL WE BE IN TOUCH THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?

There are no right or wrong answers to this question. It’s a good way to start by listening to your surrogate’s expectations, particularly if she has been through this before. You can always keep a flexible plan so changes can be made as you go through the pregnancy. The important thing is to keep lines of communication open.

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WITH US BEING WITH YOU AT DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENTS, AND IN THE DELIVERY ROOM?

Of course, it’s important to let your surrogate know that you respect her privacy. But you will certainly want to participate in the exciting prenatal landmarks, like seeing your baby for the first time at the ultrasound or finding out the baby’s sex. Most surrogates will welcome your participation.

WHAT ARE YOUR THREE MAIN CONCERNS ABOUT BEING A SURROGATE?

This is not an easy question to ask or to answer, so you may want to wait until you know your surrogate a little better. It’s a very personal question so answers will vary considerably.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAINTAIN COMMUNICATION AFTER THE BIRTH?

Again, there is no right or wrong answer. Some intended parents and their surrogates wish to stay in touch after the birth, while others may just prefer regular pictures of the child growing up. It’s up to you to work it out; the important thing is that everyone is on the same page.

If you are looking for more information about surrogacy or wondering how to find a good match, contact us today. We can help you find your ideal surrogate and offer you all support throughout the process.